Messages : 424 Date d'inscription : 18/10/2012 Age : 37 Localisation : FRANCE (79)
forevertry
Lun 6 Jan - 19:36
my heart stops ,.
when you look at me
for years, ethan knew he wanted children. watching everyone around him start their own family and watching aiden out with kids, it all just came together perfectly. he knew his husband would be a perfect father, their kids would constantly be the highlight of their life and it was all the reason why they both knew that they wanted to make sure they were both safe and healthy before even starting the process of adoption. and of course, ethan was completely positive that they would both be fine and there would be nothing stopping them. he just never thought he would have to come up with a way of breaking the news to his husband, that he was diagnosed with stomach cancer. that his drinking did more than straining their relationship and almost breaking his life around, that now it was serious and he had to admit defeat. that even after months sober, it was still around to bite him in the ass and he didn't know what to do. it wasn't as if there was a manual on how to tell husbands about having a terminal illness and they don't know the odds on how long his life could be. the emotions didn't even hit him as he sat there alone, listening to the doctor and was still completely in shock as he nodded when aiden asked if everything was okay. because he didn't know, ethan wasn't sure what was going to happen. unable to process the information, he was still in shock as they took the route back home, leaning against the window as he stayed quiet and watched as everything passed by. not even a simple hand resting against aiden's thigh, he just stayed close by the door and didn't say anything, a small hum was his only reply. because the more he looked over and the more he heard his husband speak, the more ethan knew it would be harder to tell him. they were supposed to be happy, nothing was supposed to be wrong and they were going to start looking at adopting, searching for an actual house rather than their small apartment and finally have the family they always wanted. but now he didn't know if he would even last that long, if he was going to live to his next birthday and the thought of saying goodbye to aiden, was killing him already, if he wasn't dying from the start. because he always told his husband that he would never go, after everything that happened and those four months in rehab were never wasted, but ethan couldn't believe that it all could be lies now. that he could be leaving his husband alone and it scared him, all he could feel was the simple fact that he was in love with aiden and didn't want to go. ethan didn't want to tell him, didn't want to break anything they had finally built back up again and he just didn't want to die. his mind was still on everything else as they made their way inside the apartment, going through the routine of sliding off his coat and kicking his shoes off as though nothing had changed. but everything was wrong and he could already feel his stomach churning, not knowing how to bring it up. ethan said nothing as nothing as he curled up on the couch, running his fingers through his hair and still stared off into space, not knowing just what to do anymore. because for once, he was speechless and wasn't sure what to feel.
for years, ethan knew he wanted children. watching everyone around him start their own family and watching aiden out with kids, it all just came together perfectly. he knew his husband would be a perfect father, their kids would constantly be the highlight of their life and it was all the reason why they both knew that they wanted to make sure they were both safe and healthy before even starting the process of adoption. and of course, ethan was completely positive that they would both be fine and there would be nothing stopping them. he just never thought he would have to come up with a way of breaking the news to his husband, that he was diagnosed with stomach cancer. that his drinking did more than straining their relationship and almost breaking his life around, that now it was serious and he had to admit defeat. that even after months sober, it was still around to bite him in the ass and he didn't know what to do. it wasn't as if there was a manual on how to tell husbands about having a terminal illness and they don't know the odds on how long his life could be. the emotions didn't even hit him as he sat there alone, listening to the doctor and was still completely in shock as he nodded when aiden asked if everything was okay. because he didn't know, ethan wasn't sure what was going to happen. unable to process the information, he was still in shock as they took the route back home, leaning against the window as he stayed quiet and watched as everything passed by. not even a simple hand resting against aiden's thigh, he just stayed close by the door and didn't say anything, a small hum was his only reply. because the more he looked over and the more he heard his husband speak, the more ethan knew it would be harder to tell him. they were supposed to be happy, nothing was supposed to be wrong and they were going to start looking at adopting, searching for an actual house rather than their small apartment and finally have the family they always wanted. but now he didn't know if he would even last that long, if he was going to live to his next birthday and the thought of saying goodbye to aiden, was killing him already, if he wasn't dying from the start. because he always told his husband that he would never go, after everything that happened and those four months in rehab were never wasted, but ethan couldn't believe that it all could be lies now. that he could be leaving his husband alone and it scared him, all he could feel was the simple fact that he was in love with aiden and didn't want to go. ethan didn't want to tell him, didn't want to break anything they had finally built back up again and he just didn't want to die. his mind was still on everything else as they made their way inside the apartment, going through the routine of sliding off his coat and kicking his shoes off as though nothing had changed. but everything was wrong and he could already feel his stomach churning, not knowing how to bring it up. ethan said nothing as nothing as he curled up on the couch, running his fingers through his hair and still stared off into space, not knowing just what to do anymore. because for once, he was speechless and wasn't sure what to feel.
<p>[i]look i made it pretty! pain still, but pretty.[/i]
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